First off, we'd like to welcome you to the team. We've been reviewing your application and we must say you are quite the catch.
Your hobbies and extra curriculars imply that you are vaguely sexual and strangely literal, two things we look for in a prospective employee. Your dress implies that you care very little about your appearance, but we all know that it takes you ten...no, twenty minutes to dress in the morning. And the hair! When it's not styled like Jimmy Neutron, it looks like you have recently suffered a mental breakdown. Again, a giant plus sign in our book.
You show emotion and excitement, not for the future or current relationships, but for procedural dramas and works of flash fiction. This inability to connect with the "real world" ranks you high among our applicants. Looking through your iPod (which you have generously included with your resume,) we see that you fancy a wide selection of music: random bands prominently featured in cult movies/television shows, folk rock meant for leaving home, pop-punk from the late nineties, and Bob Dylan (for propriety's sake, naturally.)
We like all of this and would like you to come work for us. Do you have any questions for us? Yes, you will make enough to pay rent and buy that whiskey you like. And yes, you will get dental...we know how important those teeth are to you and your mother.
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